Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
