You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
