You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
