i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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