Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
