I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
so that wasnt chicken after all
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
