he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
