They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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