and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
