i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
