ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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