I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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