i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
