i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I got inside last night via doggy door
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize