Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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