Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
This toilet bowl is my home.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
