Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Randomize
