I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
