I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
