So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
