...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
