Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
