Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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