Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
