She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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