i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize