She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
