did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
