I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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