im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
