in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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