Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
