She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
She's the barista slut.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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