I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Blood and glitter go together right?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
