I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize