Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
