she smelled like a LAN party
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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