its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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