It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
