He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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