That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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