He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
