Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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