Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
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