I skipped work to stalk him.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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