Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
