Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
