You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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