Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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