i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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