Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
