Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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