I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize