he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
