When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
