that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
