dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
this boner is exhausting
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
