he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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