you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
