All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
