i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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