Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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