You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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