Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Randomize
