I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
