Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
