They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
