I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Randomize
