So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
