We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
should my penis look like a turkey
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
