I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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