Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
